Twenty!
Birthday is always something special to me. It’s because I receive the warm more than usual days and I feel “I grew”. Feelings you might need it for the rest of your life. Not happiness, a fullness. I couldn’t stop grateful for the day. And I hope it will always be like that, at least I know every December 8th, I could see my self as a content human.
Going on to this day, I couldn’t believe I (finally) reach 20 years old. What does it mean? Is it only a number? Or perhaps, it is a sign to stepped on quarter life crisis. As many people talk about it, like when I accidentally heard the convo of two persons in Canteen complaining their 20s or when I found serial ads promoting “What you should do in your 20s”, it’s kinda a horror phase of your life who want it or not, you must survived (beautifully). I try to search the actual meaning of being 20 generally and spesifically — for my self. Ended up, I decide to take notes in this paper. Hopefully, it can be something.
Many things happen on your 20s, they said. If I may say, I will classified by three time.
I. Early 20s (20 y.o–23 y.o)
II. Mid 20s (24 y.o–26 y.o)
III. Late 20s (27 y.o–29 y.o)
The differences are based on my subjectivity, you might have your own.
Why I divided into three? Why not four? Why the first era is 20 until 23? What’s the reason behind all of this? And the other Q, you probably want to ask me.
I have to say this again, this is my personal consideration so that I pour it into three. If you have another perspectives or you don’t like mine, do not take as mistake. We can share each other instead of debating. Peace!
In the first era, I could say this is the time we still “have” our parents — XOXO time. It’s the time when we go to college, the time we have “freedom” to finally live as an individual, although there’s still cost from home. So many meanings about freedom, besides living alone — which I really want it since a very long time ago.
Probably it’s the time you can walk with your Significant Other until late night then your kosan is closed due to jam malam so you don’t have an option and wait with your Boo in 24 hours café. Or if you may have a chance to seek a place on your kosan teman, you’d probably pretend not want to call them due to pity over a bunch of assignment that not done yet — an enough reason. But suddenly, you can’t stay up all night and your initiative SO starting with “gimana kalau tidur di kosan aku aja?” Then, in the next day, you gotta go an appointment at the bar. It’s seem okay.
A very normal moment.
It’s also the time, when we could cry all day all night because we lost our GPA and don’t want everybody knows but forced to tell people at home as a form of accountability. The time when I want to forever live in perantauan and convince my self “this too shall pass” but there’s nothing change except to stop crying, because your face finally look-alike corpse and no one will go on a date with you. In the other day, you might meet unnecessary problem that you must include because those day, World, simply not meant to be yours.
A fantasize to live alone with all the luxury time and money but turns out messy schedule haunting you for being far away from convenience. A stupid-wrong decisions because you incautious, tired, or just complacent with everything in sight. Different arguments that lead to great anger — discordance. Fear of missing out when you look around, people so much passionate on their way. An exhaustion trying to rule the world. Poor kids at the era, also the happiest.
As long as I write this reflection, I still on my 4th semester so I guess there will be so much puzzles in front of me. But I don’t feel worry instead of very ready for what Universe will give me.
There are so much in this world and we have to try every part of it since we only live once, or if we’re not taking the chances we’re gonna lose time.
A little reminder that not one hundred percent true, but we still can take the positiveness from it.
Jump to Mid 20s.
In accordance with my road map, 24 y.o until 26 y.o is the time to leave your comfort zone and really start an action with what you want to do in your life. This is the time when (hopefully) we already graduated and looking for job. So many things World offers us yet so little time and decision we could make. Besides considering what we actually want, whether going to public or private sector or creative industry and the other jobs that develop so fast this day, we may face the real hesitancy. Looking other choices will make us think, is it the right decision to our life?
Several people will continue study abroad, several others take this chance to build a professional start up or being an entrepreneur, and some others might bring their commitment to the next level of getting married. Then you, still in the corner, asking yourself what the best thing you could do? *while sipping coffee and charging your broken phone* (OH, I could imagine my self in picture.)
This feel a horror phase (again) when every second I imagine, what my life could be in the future. How my friends have a rigid blueprint that obviously energetic and I could see, they will rock and successfully, match with they blueprint. I always want to become the one who know what I want without over thinking and know what action I should take. But it is important to know, there are still any other choices, any other hesitancy that still be puzzles and we’re not yet see it. Aren’t we all always asking this and that, and still don’t know the answer now?
Talk about late 20s, that so much far with my age now.
To be honest, I couldn’t see my self on it. Like I don’t have a plan, or just an outline, it seems so far away and I’m not make ready for it. I’m afraid, but more than that, I feel lost. I never not knowing a picture, but this era really scares me. With all the image I experience with, I could say this is a bit much make an ideal visualization about being “orang”.
I’m sorry but I can’t write any on being in Late 20s. And also, the Mid 20s it seems a little too. But that’s it all my thoughts at this time, perhaps in the next I could add more significant. I’m sorry for my lack observing my self and put it on words. He he
The thing is, being on my age now, I feel so many questions, so much undescribed feelings toward future. Seems I have a plan, but I didn’t. Probably I could execute it, but probably I couldn’t.
Puzzles.
I have to find every piece of it and try to put it together.
But as many quotes on Pinterest said, everyone has their own time, their own adventure. I might still could face it, calmly. Hustle won’t make things perfect and also the opposite. And because life couldn’t be perfect all the time, here are some of my wants that possibly would make life close to perfect (and perhaps you will be the one who make it to me and also your life) :
- Full package of the most important things that humans must have.
- A Supportive environment that contains sincere person.
- Experiences that become life lessons.
Notes for number one, it’s not limited to wealth or health, but sense of humanity itself.
Above all, I pray to God with an eye to always giving me a warm heart and content feeling in every step I take.
I feel like this writing could be a roadmap and little guidance for every one who read it, but I guess it’s not. OK, will try to make it better tomorrow.
Diary is a series of personal writings about life through my eyes.
